and now the realization comes

this may be the first ever entry to be in fully english.

there was no intention to scribble in a particular language, but putting down my emotions in japanese came more natural.

that may be the reason why, why i have never done this before.

but with that said...

i have absolutely no idea why but i feel like writing this in english today.

these few weeks,

these few months,

have been a mix of emotions, hurdles and fun times.

I always thought that as one area of my life has a high, another one drops...

and it has always been an balancing act-

this strange tension between the two... or three...

or four circumstances

but this theory completely disappeared when all fell apart at one part of my life...

but eventually gained back its momentum...

and at certain points became 2 or sometimes 3 positives in one go.

(which i am forever grateful of)

opportunities come and go.

and its all in the timing

i think im in a cycle of thinking optimistically about what the future holds,and then not wanting to think at all about anything.

anything at all... for the next couple of days at least....

but

opportunities comes from least expected places at

the least expected times.

and it stretches and challenges you in ways you never thought will be.

one year goes by so quickly.

so many things are undetermined

and there is so much i want to do.

ive realized how precious time is lately.

while working away...

while doing everyday mundane things...

i just forget that one day,

i wont be on the face of this earth..

and somewhere in the back of my mind,

i feel as though im in a rehearsal run for the 'stage'.

but the fact is...

this is the stage and the actual take....

then why am i not putting my best foot forth in situations?

why am i not setting goals?

why am i too scared of rejection?

why do i think of the worst in a situation?