remember what happened when you firmly covered your eye lids and then quickly released them?
I used to see bright multi-coloured lights - even though my eyes were still closed.
it felt surreal. like an out-of-body experience. i did not dare to do it frequently as i was scared i would be consumed by the darkness which quickly followed the ray of light.
or suddenly out of nowhere you have this sudden rush of fear...
As a child i often questioned if i was really alive. questioning if this was all a dream.
when i realize that i am not dreaming, i get shit-scared. fear consumes me for a second and everything goes dark.
its like someone pushing me into the depths of the ocean and then pulling me back of the dark murky waters within a wink of an eye - forcing me back into reality.
as i got out of the shower this morning and looked at my face in the mirror, this familiar fear swept over me.
it happened out of nowhere and oh so quickly.
but looking back at me wasnt a child with band-aids and plaited hair.,,,it was a mid 20 something face that had too little sleep.
it had an eerie and a nostalgic sensation...
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